Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» 6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2011-08-10 23:05:17As they say more please!!!anonymous readerReport 2010-09-15 09:35:32This is a great story!! 6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2011-08-10 23:05:17As they say more please!!!anonymous readerReport 2010-09-15 09:35:32This is a great story!! Xnxx hd Also, I like how you added paragraphs in this one, but you still had that massive chunk of an ending, Try splitting it up and adding more detail.«12» And i can’t even tell whos talking half the time i can barly read this 1/10READERReport 2006-09-15 18:47:39Not bad, although you need to improve the wording and the typos in your story, that’d make it much smoother to read. Please tell us more.klaxxReport 2009-02-02 22:11:59″TO BE CONTINUDE” *snork*
Sounds like Engrish.READERReport 2008-02-25 19:18:18Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs. … Please tell us more.klaxxReport 2009-02-02 22:11:59″TO BE CONTINUDE” *snork*
Sounds like Engrish.READERReport 2008-02-25 19:18:18Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs. … Sorry if that’s a bit harsh. Please tell us more.klaxxReport 2009-02-02 22:11:59″TO BE CONTINUDE” *snork*
Sounds like Engrish.READERReport 2008-02-25 19:18:18Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs. … Please tell us more.klaxxReport 2009-02-02 22:11:59″TO BE CONTINUDE” *snork*
Sounds like Engrish.READERReport 2008-02-25 19:18:18Wow terrible i cant even read it its called paraghraphs. …
