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Pay attention to my criticism. 10 s«12»anonymous readerReport 2013-06-25 16:53:38I had to stop reading and give a neg rating when I got to the part with High School kis with DD tits and 10 inch cock.animal99Report 2013-03-23 00:45:09I liked your story because it’s plot showed a lot of promise. Xnxx tv Think about how you’d tell this story if you were in a room full of inquisitive and like minded people – you’d start slow, and build up to a conclusion by filling up your story with descriptions so your listeners would be able to imagine being you in this story. My aim is to make you better. My aim is to make you better. If you want your readers to not flee in disgust when suddenly reality is violated, then state from the beginning that your character will be “super.” Otherwise, when you state it later it seems like a cheap cop out.«12» Keep writing, writing a great story comes from practicing your craft thru writing many stories. Stupidity and mediocrity continues to exist because we coddle the weak. The technical stuff like grammar, punctuation and credible detail writing can be had by asking your english teachers for some help.anonymous readerReport 2012-10-07 02:08:56starts off good. The basic premise of the story is